The Marauder Interview
by ThisCouldTheoreticallyBeSparta
Summary: I interview James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. Duh?


_1) Choose a few of your favourite characters – five at the most_

_2) Make them answer the following questions_

_3) Tag three people_

THE MARAUDER INTERVIEW – an interview with James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew

**1. How old are you?**

J: Twenty in March, babe!

S: I'll be twenty-one in October…

R: (_sighs_) I'm nineteen. Do we _have_ to do this?

P: Me too.

**2. Height?**

S: A respectable 6"1, thank you! (_Stands and bows_)

J: (_grinds teeth_) 5"10

S: (_cups hand over ear_) I'm sorry? I'm so tall I can't hear you!

J: Bastard.

R: I am 5"9, thank you.

P: a depressing 5"6.

**3. Have you any bad habits?**

R: Sirius sheds on the furniture.

S: _Not_ true!

J: and he chews shoes.

S: You _liar_!

P: don't forget the bringing in dead animals.

S: I'VE NEVER FUCKING DONE THAT! _EVER_!

**4. Are you a virgin?**

J: are you trying to insult me? Of course not.

S: You were until all of a year ago.

J: TWO YEARS! _TWO YEARS_, DAMN IT!

R: I think it was more recent than that…

J: fuck off, the both of you.

S: well, I know I'm not. Moony saw to that, the _beast_.

P: I DO NOT want to know ANYTHING about your sex life, Padfoot!

S: Just jealous, aren't we, Pete? You haven't had sex with anyone except yourself.

P: fuck off. Fucking poofters.

S: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! WE WILL CONQUER THE WORLD!

R: One gay pride isn't a conquest, Pads.

S: Give it twenty or thirty years time, Moony love. You'll see. There'll be a continuous plethora of gay movies, loads of out gay celebrities of both genders and we'll be able to get married.

**5. Who's your mate/spouse?**

J: The lovely Miss Lily Evans, soon to be Potter. She of the long red hair and bright green eyes… She of the amazing tits and wonderful smile… She of the –

S: heterosexuals and their boob fixation.

R: (_snorts_)

J: Fuck off, poofs.

S: Anyway, mine is the wonderful Remus J. Lupin, alias Moony. (_Plants a sloppy kiss on Remus's cheek_)

R: Well, mine is the endearingly exasperating Sirius Orion Black, alias Padfoot.

S: Natch.

P: well, er… I'm going out with a girl named Betty…

J: No way! PETE'S _PULLED_!

S: whoop whoop whoop!

R: Good for you, Peter.

P: (_blushes_)

**6. Have you any kids?**

J: Not yet, but I want two at least. A girl and a boy.

S: No, God no. I don't we ever will, right, Moony?

R: Not unless you die, I am forced into marrying a delusional woman half my age and accidentally knock her up.

S/J/P: (_laugh raucously_)

J: All of impossible, Moony! Even if Padfoot kicked the bucket, you'd never go with a bird. 'Snot in your genes.

P: It's an unnatural thought, Remus.

R: I'm exaggerating, aren't I? (_Laughs_)

**7. Favourite food?**

R: Er…

S/J/P: chocolate!

R: I didn't want to admit it… (_Fidgets_)

J: Lily's mum makes a fab roast dinner…

S: Anything not cooked by Remus.

R: Bugger off.

S: You can't cook or brew a potion, love, get over it.

R: humph.

J: Pete eats any fucking thing you put in front of him.

P: Not true!

S: At the barbecue John and Godric did you ate half the paper napkin before Lily stopped you.

P: (_mutters_)

**8. Favourite ice cream flavour?**

R: Er…

S/J/P: CHOCOLATE!

R: Oh come on, chocolate isn't the only thing I like!

J: Stop lying to yourself, Remus.

P: Admit you have an addiction.

S: The first step to resolving a problem is admitting you have one.

R: Bugger off the lot of you.

J: I like strawberry.

S: stracciatella.

P: Vanilla.

**9. Have you ever killed anyone?**

J: I have no doubt that one-day we might have to…

(_Depressed expressions abound_)

**10. Do you hate anyone?**

J/S: SNAPE!

R: Oh for the love of Merlin… (_Facepalm_)

P: I don't like him either.

J: And Slytherins in general. Padfoot's family.

S: Lily's sister and brother-in-law.

J: Slughorn, the old pervert.

S: Moony's mum and Voldemort

R: Are you comparing my mother to Voldemort?

S: No. My mother fits the description better.

**11. Have you any secrets?**

S: Howl for me, Moony.

R: Bugger off, wanker.

J: I have horns.

R: You do know that in Italian, to have horns means your wife's having it off with another man?

J: (_horrified expression_) LILYYYYYYYY! (_Dashes off_)

R: he's excessively gullible.

**12. Do you love anyone?**

S: Moony! (_Pounces on Remus_)

R: Padfoot. (_Fends Sirius off_)

P: Maybe Betty…

J: Remus, you tosser! Lily is _so_ not having it off with another bloke!

**13. TACOS?**

J: What?

S: What are tacos?

R: A Mexican dish.

P: They're good.

J: We'll take your word for it…

**14. Have you ever slept in all day?**

S: Moony always does after the full moon. He gets tired, don't you, Moony love?

R: But you're there with me. That always helps.

J: and what are Wormtail and I? Handbags?

**15. Favourite show?**

S: Prongs watches Crossroads.

J: So what? You like George and Mildred!

S: I actually prefer Fawlty Towers.

R: (_rolls eyes heavenward_)

P: The Benny Hill Show.

R: Oh God no. Monty Python's Flying Circus, thank YOU.

J: Everyone worship the University Challenge-watcher, Remus John Lupin!

S: whoop… whoop… whoop…

(_Both get on their knees and bow to him_)

**16. Favourite movie?**

J: That one in space with the bloke with the bucket on his head… STAR WARS!

S: Clockwork fucking Orange.

R: I rather liked the Kiss of the Spider Woman…

P: I don't watch many films…

**17. Favourite band?**

S: Led Zeppelin. And the Sex Pistols. Yeah, I'm boring; get over it.

J: The Kinks. And the Stranglers.

S: You love Pink Floyd best, you liar.

R: The Smiths and… ok, the Doors.

P: Jimi Hendrix.

S: He's not a band.

R: Don't be pedantic.

**18. Eye colours?**

S: Prongs has shit brown.

J: Fuck off.

S: I, on the other hand, have a wonderful rainy sky silver, thank you.

R: Could you be any more pretentious?

S: Dunno. What's the record?

R: (_shakes head_) my eye colour is light brown

S: You have beautiful eyes, Moony.

P: Mine are blue… Not that anyone cares.

**19. Skin?**

J: Quidditch tan, thank you.

S: No matter how hard I try, I stay pale… Oh, woe is me.

R: I hate the sun.

P: Pasty.

J: You still have zits too, Wormtail.

R: That's very good for his self-esteem, James.

J: The truth is a beauteous and dangerous thing, my friend. Unlike Peter.

**20. Fat/average/slim?**

S: Sexily slim and yet muscular. (_Flexes bicep_)

R: Again, you're being pretentious. And vain.

S: You weren't complaining when you were licking my abs the other night.

J: TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

S: You love it really, Prongs, you dirty sod.

J: (_aims a punch, that misses_)

S: (_gives James the middle finger_)

(_Degenerates into wrestling_)

R: Five-year-olds.

P: Not even that.

R: I'd say I was skinny.

S: (_from the floor_) NO! You're thin and yet incredibly sexy!

J: DIE, YOU BASTARD! (_Jumps on him and elbows him in the ribs_)

P: I have a spare tire. (_Pats stomach proudly_)

**21. Rain or sunshine?**

P: Sunshine.

R: Neither. I like cloudy weather best.

J: Fine! A draw!

S: I so won, hornhead.

J: Sod off, shirt-lifter.

S: Daddy's boy.

(_Both sit down as if nothing has happened_)

J: I like the sunshine.

S: I like it when it snows.

**22. Pool or beach?**

S: Either. I can show off these. (_Lifts shirt to show off stomach_)

J: Twat. Beach.

P: Pool. I think I can make less of a fool of myself.

R: Neither.

S: We could find a nice, secluded beach, Moony. There it would be nice.

R: I suppose…

**23. Camping or staying home?**

J: Camping!

P: You've never been camping, Prongs. It's a nightmare.

R: I like staying at home. Home has books and chocolate.

S: Now you admit it. What about sex in a tent?

R: We've had sex outdoors. What's so fun about a tent?

**24. Dog or cat?**

J: Dog.

P: cat.

S: You're a rat!

P: So?

S: Weirdo. DOG! Haha. (_Looks hopefully at Remus_)

R: …cat.

S: (_whimpers_)

**25. Do you believe in aliens?**

J: Yeah.

S: They're in Cardiff.

J: One day they'll make a TV series on that.

S: A Doctor Who spin-off!

J: With a bloke from the future!

S: and a pterodactyl called Myfanwy!

S/J: YEAH!

R: Why are we friends with them again?

P: Because the prat with the long hair is your boyfriend.

R: That can be amended.

**26. Natural born or clone?**

R: I beg your pardon?

S: knowing my mother, Regulus and I were born from eggs. She laid us and kept us warm under the boiler.

J: You've given that a lot of thought, haven't you?

S: Oh yeah.

**27. Car or ship?**

S: MOTORBIKE!

J: The Black Shadow!

S: Hell yeah! (_Does horns with his hand_)

R: I'm putting in a transfer to _the Lord of the Rings_.

**28. Have you ever destroyed something out of blind rage?**

R: Every month, unfortunately.

S: That was Uncle Oscar's favourite armchair.

R: I hope he can forgive me…

J: I got angry with Lily's parents on your behalf once, remember? I shattered the glass cabinet behind mum and dad…

P: I beheaded all my cousin's Barbie dolls because she broke my truck… We were eight.

J: Lily's worse than you, Remus.

**29. Are there any unusual things about you?**

R: We're wizards. I'm a werewolf and they are illegal Animagi.

S: Whoop whoop!

J: Who rocks?

S: We rock!

**30. How much food/drink do you need a day?**

S: Pete needs enough to sustain the whole of East Germany for two years.

P: Bugger off.

J: Moony must get at least a pound of chocolate each day or he can't function.

**31. What is your favourite place?**

S: in our bed. With Moony there, of course.

R: I must admit, I like that place too.

J: The settee in the front room.

P: The park on Sundays.

R: How nice, Wormtail.

P: Thank you.

**32. Any last words?**

S: I love Remus Lupin!

J: I love Lily Evans!

R: I have very good credentials to be the tenth member of the Fellowship of the Ring.

P: This was a fine time to waste an hour.


End file.
